The distance didn't arrive all at once. It crept in, one unsaid thing at a time.
You still share a home, a bed, a calendar. What you've lost is harder to name. The easy laughter, the sense of being on the same team, the feeling that the person across from you actually sees you.
Maybe you fight about the dishes when the fight is really about feeling alone. Maybe you've stopped fighting altogether, which somehow feels worse. Maybe you keep meeting the same kind of person, or reaching the same wall, in relationship after relationship, and you're starting to wonder if the common thread is you.
Wanting more from your relationships isn't needy, and struggling in them isn't a sign you're broken. Most of us were never taught how closeness works. We learned by watching, and we're still running on lessons we absorbed long before we could question them.
What this actually looks like
It often looks small. The conversation that goes sideways for no clear reason. The way you go quiet and hope they'll notice, or push harder when they pull back. The story you tell yourself about what their silence means, a story you're certain is true.
So much of what we call a communication problem is really an attachment one. Underneath the words is an older question: are you there for me, can I count on you, will you still want me if I show you what I actually feel. When that question feels unsafe, we protect ourselves in ways that quietly push people away.
You might notice you repeat things you swore you never would. You choose partners who feel familiar even when familiar hurts. You confuse intensity with intimacy, or safety with boredom. These aren't flaws in your character. They're patterns, and patterns can be understood and changed.
How I work with relationship patterns
This is individual work, focused on you and how you show up when you love someone. If you and your partner want to sit down together, that's couples therapy, a different kind of work I'm glad to point you toward. What we do here is understand your side of the dance so thoroughly that you can start to move differently, whoever you're dancing with.
Drawing on attachment and psychodynamic work, we trace how you learned to connect: what earned you love as a child, what got you hurt, what you decided closeness costs. Those early lessons still shape who you reach for and how you react when you feel unseen. We look at the roots while building real skills you can use in the very next conversation.
This is slow, honest work, and it happens inside a relationship where you feel understood without having to perform. Being known that way isn't a luxury here. It's the very thing that teaches your nervous system a new relationship is possible.
What the work looks like together
We start with your story
The early sessions map how you learned to connect, who taught you love was safe or costly, and the moments that shaped what you now expect from the people closest to you.
You see the pattern clearly
Together we name the loop you keep landing in, the pursue and withdraw, the silence, the self-protection, so it stops feeling like fate and starts feeling like something you can work with.
We change how you show up
You practice staying present when you'd usually shut down or lash out, speaking the real thing underneath the reaction, and tolerating the closeness you say you want.
You build the relationships you want
The goal isn't perfect harmony. It's a you who can be honest, ask for what you need, and stay connected without losing yourself.
This may be for you if…
- ✓You keep repeating the same painful pattern across different relationships
- ✓You want to understand your part, not just wait for someone else to change
- ✓You feel lonely even when you're not alone
- ✓You're ready to look honestly at how you were taught to love
A different kind of support may fit better if…
- ·You and your partner want to work on the relationship together, in which case couples therapy is the better fit and I'm happy to guide you there
- ·You're looking strictly for medication management (a psychiatrist prescribes; as a psychologist I don't, though I'm glad to coordinate care)
Good things to know
Can I do this on my own if my partner won't come to therapy?
Yes, and it's often powerful. When one person shifts how they show up, the whole dynamic changes. This is individual work focused on you, so you don't need anyone's participation but your own.
How is this different from couples therapy?
Couples therapy is you and your partner in the room together, working on the relationship as a unit. This is individual work on your patterns, your history, and how you connect. Many people do one, then the other. I'll help you find the right starting point.
Is telehealth effective for this kind of relationship work?
Very. This work is about you and your inner patterns, which translates beautifully to secure video. Many clients find the comfort of their own space helps them speak more openly. All sessions are held over a confidential platform.
Do you see clients outside Los Angeles?
Yes. I work via secure telehealth with clients anywhere in California, not only in LA. You just need to be located in the state.
You’ve read this far for a reason.
When you’re ready, a brief consultation is a gentle first step, no pressure, no obligation.
or call (626) 539-7290