The way you love now was learned a long time ago, in rooms you barely remember.
Some people feel a low hum of worry whenever someone they care about goes quiet. Others feel a wave of relief when a relationship gets too close and they can finally breathe alone. Neither of these is a flaw. Both are strategies you built as a child to hold onto connection the best way you could.
You might text and then hate yourself for texting. You might keep people at a careful distance and call it independence. You might swing between craving closeness and needing to escape it, never quite trusting the ground under a relationship.
This is the territory of attachment: the patterns in how we bond, trust, and pull away. It's one of the parts of this work I care about most, because once you can see your pattern clearly, so much of what felt like personal failure starts to make quiet, human sense.
How attachment shows up in plain language
If your early bonds felt unpredictable, you may have learned to stay close and vigilant, reading every tone for signs that love is slipping. People sometimes call this anxious attachment. It can feel like too much wanting, too much reassurance, a fear of being left that colors everything.
If closeness once came with a cost, you may have learned the opposite, to rely on yourself and keep your needs small and hidden. This is often called avoidant attachment. It can look like strength from the outside and feel like loneliness from within, a pull to withdraw the moment things get real.
Most of us are a blend, and our pattern shifts depending on who we're with. The labels matter far less than the lived experience: the way you reach or retreat, the stories you tell yourself when someone gets close, the old certainty about what love will eventually do to you. None of it is fixed. It was learned, which means it can be relearned.
How I work with attachment
Attachment is at the center of how I understand people, so this work is squarely in my hands. We start by getting curious, not critical, about your pattern: where it came from, what it was protecting, and how it plays out in the relationships you have now.
Drawing on attachment theory and psychodynamic work, we trace the thread from your earliest bonds to your adult love, gently and without blame. You'll come to understand your reactions from the inside, which loosens their grip. And because the therapy relationship is itself a kind of secure bond, it becomes a place to practice trusting, being seen, and staying present when your old instinct is to grab on or bolt.
This is how earned security grows. Not by fixing you, because you were never broken, but by giving your nervous system enough repeated experiences of safety that a new, steadier way of loving becomes possible. It's slow, and it's some of the most freeing work there is.
What the work looks like together
We map your pattern
The early sessions explore how you bond and protect yourself, and where those instincts were first learned, so your reactions stop feeling random and start making sense.
We trace it to its roots
Together we follow the thread from your earliest relationships to your current ones, with compassion, so you understand the strategy underneath the struggle.
You practice a new way
The therapy relationship becomes a place to try trusting, expressing a need, or staying present in closeness, in small, safe doses that build over time.
You grow earned security
With enough repeated experiences of safety, a steadier way of connecting takes hold, one you carry into every relationship that matters to you.
This may be for you if…
- ✓You notice yourself either clinging or pulling away when relationships get close
- ✓You want to understand why you love the way you do
- ✓You keep bracing for people to leave, or keeping them at arm's length so they can't
- ✓You're ready to build a steadier, more secure way of connecting
A different kind of support may fit better if…
- ·You're in immediate crisis or danger, please see our crisis resources for right-now support
- ·You're looking strictly for medication management (a psychiatrist prescribes; as a psychologist I don't, though I'm glad to coordinate care)
Good things to know
Can attachment styles actually change?
Yes. Attachment patterns are learned, not fixed traits, which means they can shift. Through consistent, safe experiences in and out of therapy, many people move toward what's called earned security, a steadier way of bonding, even if their early years were anything but secure.
How do I know my attachment style?
You don't need to arrive with a label. Part of the work is noticing how you actually behave when you're close to someone, when you reach, when you retreat, what you fear. That lived pattern tells us far more than any quiz.
Is telehealth effective for attachment work?
Yes. This work unfolds through the relationship between us, which translates fully to secure video. Many clients find the safety of their own space helps them go deeper. All sessions are held over a confidential platform.
Can we work together if I'm not in Los Angeles?
Yes. I see clients via secure telehealth across California, so you don't need to be in LA, only somewhere in the state.
You’ve read this far for a reason.
When you’re ready, a brief consultation is a gentle first step, no pressure, no obligation.
or call (626) 539-7290